29 is a tough pill to swallow. We have this unspoken, but very real pressure to have our crap together by 30. Our 29th birthday signifies that we have only one year left to be set in our professional field, married, owning a house, and caring for a dog and a couple of puke-y floor lickers. Or any applicable combination of the above.
We're told our whole lives that at 30 we have to be real adults. So upon turning 29 and realizing that we don't have it all together, we crumble. I woke up Monday fully expecting to be in a sorrowful, teary mood. But I wasn't. Weirdly enough, I feel empowered by being 29. And if I'm being completely honest, still a little scared. Because while I have the proverbial spouse and a mortgage that people tell us we have to have to be a whole person, there's a lot I still have to get done by 30, starting with the following:
1. Being comfortable with another person's pain: I attended a church seminar over the weekend that was designed to give insight into our own personalities, and those of our church body. At one point, the speaker said 'You can't be everything to everyone. You need to tell people that you're comfortable with their pain." The audience all laughed at this statement, assuming as I had that he MUST be joking. Only he wasn't. He explained that in church and more widely, in life, that people aren't going to like things you do. Some might even tell you that. But you don't have to change who you are or what you believe just to make someone else more comfortable. This really hit home with me, as I haven't blogged in 6 months because of something someone said to me. I have been blogging for over 7 years, and I have over 10,000 unique visits between my two blogs. In those 7 years and 10,000+ visitors, ONE person has said something negative to me about my writing. One. For 29 years, I haven't been comfortable with another person's pain. But today, and for the days that follow, I am. At least I'm going to try really hard to be.
2. Learning to not be friends with everyone: This one is a biggie for me. As I mentioned earlier, I am a people pleaser. So I want to be a friend to everyone. But I'm also an introvert, which makes being a friend to everyone absolutely exhausting. I never want to be rude or cold, but I have to do a better job of guarding my time, heart, and life. And that means I have to stop accepting applications for partners in crime. The truth is, all of my friend slots are full. With the best friends out there. They know my story inside and out, and I know theirs just as well. I have 7 confidants who are ready to help me hide the body and bail me out of jail at a moment's notice. You don't get more partner-in-crime-like than that. It's taken me 29 years to assemble the best, funniest, kindest, truest human beings that I choose to invite into my inner circle. I don't think an 8th person so perfectly matched even exists.
3. Being a better wife: Let me be very clear: I'm a good wife. Like, a really good wife. I'm hot, I'm sweet, and I'm obviously talented - what more could he want? While all this may be (read: is definitely) true, there's always room for improvement. Even for me. For the next year, and years to follow, I'm going to let more things go (figuratively, not my hot bod), and I'm going to make sure he knows how much I love and appreciate him EVERY day. It's become frighteningly easy to just assume he knows how important he is to me, and by the time I'm 30, I plan on making him absolutely sick of hearing how amazing he is.
4. Forgetting all of the 'deadlines': Before I was married, that was the goal everyone placed upon my life: to be betrothed as soon as humanly possible. Once I said 'I do', the new goal seemed to be to start having kids. At 29, I've yet to produce an adorable tiny human, but I have kept an adorable not so tiny, not so human 2 year old Boxer alive. That's something to celebrate, right? We, collectively as married adults, have chosen not to have a baby quite yet as our hands our full with the aforementioned dog, and we're okay with that decision. The rest of the world is just going to have to be okay with that, too.
5. Being a ME pleaser, not a people pleaser: I have lived my life being so scared of offending someone, that it has paralyzed me. Because of this, I have my feelings hurt way more often than I should, and it manifests by me changing to please someone else. When I'm consumed by what everyone else thinks, it leaves no room for me to think about who I want to be. Ryan tells me all of the time when I'm obsessing over this that there is a very short list of people in this world who I need to please. This year, I'm going to whittle that list down even more. By 30, Jesus and I are the only two people who will get a say in who I am. And Ryan. And probably my mom. And the dog...dogs are excellent judges of character. At least mine is...
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