Lessons Learned

As Ryan and I celebrate our first two months of marital bliss, I have realized that we have learned a lot in the last 60 days. Some of the lessons I expected, and others I was not prepared for. At all. So I am taking matters into my own hands and doing my due diligence to put out there the things that you need to be prepared for when entering into a lifelong union:

Lesson #1: He Lives Here Now

I have lived completely by myself since I was 21.  No roommate, no extended guests, boyfriends didn't even get to know where I lived.  My house was my sanctuary, and no one else's. Mine.  So it was completely out of character when I told Ryan my address prior to our first date, and even more out of character when I allowed us to spend so much time at my place.  Over the months of dating, there were several times that I would go to bed while Ryan was in the middle of a movie, so I would tell him goodnight and that he could stay as long as he wanted, just be sure to lock the door on his way out.  So I didn't think anything of repeating my night time routine the week after we got married - I got tired, told him I was going to bed, and asked him to lock the door on his way out.  To which he responded with "We're married.  I live here now.  I'm not leaving tonight." Oh yeah.

Lesson #2:  All Is Fair In Love And Sleep

In a similar event, I went to bed much earlier than my night owl husband one night and angrily awoke several hours later at the realization that I was on his side of the bed.  I immediately thought "He took my side of the bed?!  My pillows?!  My spare blankets that I keep under the bed for when he tries to freeze me out?"  I was fuming and thisclose to waking him up to demand that he give me back my rightful place when I realized that not only had I come to bed first, but I was sleeping diagonal and my 6' tall husband was curled up into the tiniest ball he could get himself into while his legs dangled to the floor because that's all the room I had left for him.  Oops!  That may or may not have also been the night that I slapped him in the face in my sleep and then started to rub his facial hair.  He's a trooper.  Don't feel too sorry for him, though...he got his revenge a few weeks later when I didn't feel well and sat up in bed with my head in my hands and he, in a dead sleep, kneed me in the FACE as he rolled over.  Pretty sure we're even.

Lesson #3: Not Everyone Lives According To My Schedule

I was completely unaware that not everyone loves to get up and start cleaning first thing on Saturday morning every week.  Saturday is one of the few days that I awake earlier than Ryan, so by the time he comes out to the living room I'm usually done with the dishes and starting to dust.  It came as a complete surprise to me one day after 3 hours of deep cleaning when I said to him, "Ahhh.  Doesn't cleaning make you SO happy?" and he answered with, "Ummm.  It makes me tired."

Lesson #4:  He Cooks After We Argue

In the first two months of marriage, we've also had our first two arguments.  And the sick and twisted part of me is kind of happy about it.  We hadn't really even had heated conversations before we were married, let alone an argument, and it was a huge relief when we did and worked through it like mature adults.  That's completely new to me.   And while the satisfaction of having worked through something together is a high all on it's own, it's nothing compared to the dinner he makes you afterward.  I devoured the best cheese lasagna and garlic bread of my life one night thanks to a morning spat that was fixed before I even left for work.  Still not sure how I managed that one, but I'm gonna go with it.

 

 

Lesson #5: Marriage Really Is Work. And It's Totally Worth It.

The last 60 days have been a giant learning curve. We have both been thrown into our first time living together, sharing finances, figuring out schedules, division of household duties, expectations of the other spouse, daily habits, and what it means to truly be a partner 24/7. At times it is stressful, but most of the time it is the easiest and most fulfilling adventure I've ever been on. This road has bumps for both of us, but those bumps are SO worth the ride.  Also, the lasagna.  If you haven't already, I highly recommend that you marry someone who can make good lasagna.

Wedding Diet 101

I've never had, nor will I ever have the perfect body. Nobody does. Well, except those people - you know the type...lean, muscular, less than 5% body fat, perky everything. I have a few of those real life perfect body friends, and while in general I love and support them, today we are not friends. For today is an ode to the not-so-perfect ones of us who had to work for 4 months to look fabulous in their wedding dress. Today is a chubby girl party, and you are not invited.

It all started on June 17th, 2012 around 8pm. It was approximately an hour after becoming engaged to the love of my life, and the realization that I was going to get married was starting to sink in. I was getting married. In a tight white dress. In 4 months, 2 days, and 19 hours. Game on.

Having always been somewhere between average and chubby, and fluxuating often between the two, I made a conscious decision that I was going to shed those 10 annoying pounds that had been lingering on and off around my thighs for the past 6 years since I graduated college. At 10 pounds lighter, I would look so svelte that I would probably get offers from bridal magazines to be on their covers. But no more than that. On my 5'1 frame, losing even as much as 11 pounds would probably make me look anorexic. Now concerned that I'd have to answer endless "are you eating??" questions after my 10 pound thinner self debuted, I decided to look up my ideal weight on the BMI chart just to make sure I wasn't about to get too thin.

Oh. My. GOD! That can't be right. That CAN'T be right. According to the BMI figures I had just googled, I was not only overweight, but I was 7 pounds from OBESE. OBESE! That has to be wrong, I thought. Who came up with this equation? Is there a glitch? That's it, there must be a glitch. Or maybe they're just bad at math...who among us hasn't been off by 23 in an algebra problem? After re-examining the situation, and by re-examining I mean using every search engine ever created in hopes of finding a more favorable result, I came to the conclusion that perhaps I had put on a few more than 10 lbs over the last few years.

New plan: lose 15 pounds and don't look like the Michelin Man in a veil. During my various seasons between average and chubby over the last 9 years, the only weight loss plan that ever worked for me was Weight Watchers. Why? 1.) If you tell me I can't have carbs, I will eat pasta in my car at 7am just to spite you, 2.) Given the option, I would literally rather cut off a limb to drop quick weight than exercise for 5 minutes, and 3.) I call the shots - if I want french fries for lunch, I can have them as long as I ration my points for the day.

After deciding that Plan A (fattening Ryan up so I looked thinner by default) wouldn't work, I grumbled my way over to the weight watchers website (just the point counting - I didn't feel the need to sit in a circle and discuss why I give potatoes power over me) and started toward my 10 *ahem* 15 pound goal. For those of you out of the loop, the new Weight Watchers system, Points Plus, not only gives you more daily points to use, but all fruit is free! Yes, I know it is a psychological ploy to make me feel like I'm getting away with something while actually making healthier choices, but I happily submit to the mindgame warfare if it makes me thinner.

The first 10 pounds seemed to melt right off of me, and the 15 pounds seemed more and more attainable. Once I hit 15, I decided I would stretch my goal to 20 lost, but that would be it. At pound #22, completely pleased with my progress, I decided to treat myself to a day of eating junk food and then had ice cream for dinner. The next morning, cringing as I stepped on the scale and nervously awaiting the results, I almost yelled with delight to see that I had lost another half pound the day before! The euphoria of having lost weight while eating junk food was quickly replaced by the sinking realization that if you can eat junk food all day, have ice cream for dinner, and still lose weight, you're too fat.

So I continued my point counting and saw a dramatic slow down at pound #30, but pushed through to a final weight loss of 35 pounds for the wedding, landing me in my ideal weight range (the top of the weight range still counts as IN the weight range) on what I still believe to be the incorrectly calculated BMI chart. And while I am certain that my sweet, loving, charming, wonderful husband would love me no matter what size I was, every uneaten french fry from June through October 20th was worth looking fabulous in my dress on our wedding day. And I did look fabulous. We don't have the original pictures yet, so please don't let the watermarks distract you from admiring how thin I am...

 

Anyone else want to have some ice cream??

We're SO Spoiled!

Last weekend, our incredibly sweet church friends and families of our two bubble (flower) girls threw us a super fun wedding shower where we played games, ate cake, and opened a whole slew of gifts.  His parents drove up from Southern Illinois and surprised me with their attendance, our friends from church came to share their love and laughter, my sisters were all there to make some noise :), and my niece Morgan was there in her outfit matching Ryan and I.

 

 

We started with a word game where I was allowed to play, but not win.  And I totally won, for the record.  Next there was a Ryan & Heidi trivia game, and then there was some yummy, yummy snacks and cake. 

 

After the games and the treats, it was present time. We were completely blown away by how many people were sweet enough to attend and/or bring us so many wonderful gifts.  We received everything from gift cards to fancy blenders (I don't think Ryan has eaten solid food all week due to his OBSESSION with that new kitchen gadget) to gift baskets filled with treats to personalized drinking cups to an ottoman to store my 15 blankets that live in a pile in my downstairs hallway in case there is a tornado.  I was also super spoiled with some gorgeous pearls to wear at the wedding from Ryan's parents!!

 

While we loved literally everything that we were showered with, perhaps the most creative gift goes to my sisters.  They presented me with two boxes; one with the word "cold" on it, and one with the word "warm" on it and I was instructed to open the "cold" box first.  Upon opening it, I found a hooded sweatshirt and sweatpants and was told that this was for when Ryan insisted on keeping the house cold (when we started dating, I kept my house at 78* no matter the season.  Over the last 14 months, Ryan has inched the thermostat down to 70*, and we don't even live together yet.  I don't even want to know how cold he keeps it when he has half ownership over the temperature!), and then I opened what I now call "the great equalizer" gift.  A super cute, super skimpy nightie that elicited the now famous, "where's the rest of it?!" comment from one of our bubble girls.  Well played, sisters!  While you can see the trepidation on my face at first (you NEVER know what those girls are going to do!), I LOVE it!

 

Throughout present opening time, we were also gifted with no less than 7 hand made cards from one of our bubble girls, and we took them home to open one by one.  While they were all fantastic, this one certainly takes the cake for me:

 

 

While I was oohing and ahhing over how adorable it was, Ryan very helpfully pointed out how thin he looks and how I appear to be about 5x larger than him in this depiction. I explained to him that having arms coming out of your head gives an illusion of largeness, but seeing as how he has similar arms growing out of his ears, it turns out that the 5 year old just thinks that I'm fat.  Fat and wearing a crown, so I cant complain too much.

Despite the "a drawing adds 195 lbs" situation, it was a completely perfect day and we appreciate everyone who came to celebrate with us SO MUCH!  Thank you to everyone who made it so special for us.  We can't wait to see you at the wedding!!


 

Surviving cheesecake and barbecue sauce

Throughout our blissful head-over-heels-in-love romance that I've often thought to be too good to be true because it has always been so easy and fun, I have wondered from time to time how we as a couple will survive when things aren't all roses and butterflies and kisses.  Because we are both well aware that this awesome streak of pure joy/never having a fight/no tragedy to navigate through will sooner or later (hopefully much later) come to an end.

The questions in my mind about how we will respond to such trials were vast; How will we argue?  Will there be yelling?  Will I cry a lot?  What if we're poor someday and the lack of money stresses us out?  How will we treat each other when stressed? What if he eats the last piece of cheesecake that was SUPPOSED to be mine?  What if he does it twice?!

In the last 72 hours, all of those questions have been answered. And yes, the wedding is still on.  Let's start with the cheesecake.  Friday afternoon, Ryan very sweetly brought home a small 4 slice cheesecake for us to share, as he knows that it is my very favorite sweet treat.  I ate one piece and he ate 2, leaving my second slice in the fridge for me to enjoy the next day.  On Saturday, when I went to get said piece of cheesecake out and devour it, it was nowhere to be found.  I had fallen asleep Friday night and while I was snoozing away, he ate my slice of cheesecake! Never one to let this stuff go, I promptly brought it up to him when he came over that afternoon and made it very clear that I was sad about not having my promised slice of dessert waiting for me.  He apologized and promised to buy a new one that night.  A man of his word, he returned to my house that evening with another 4 slice cheesecake, and again I ate 1 piece and he ate 2, leaving the 4th and last slice for me.  And then it happened again.  Just like the night before, I fell asleep, and just like the night before, HE ATE MY CHEESECAKE!!

How do you eat a person's cheesecake, apologize for eating their cheesecake, buy them a new cheesecake to replace the one you ate, and then eat their cheesecake again?!!  I have some married friends who had shared years ago that they label their food and use a ruler when splitting a candy bar to avoid such sugar-fueled spats.  I used to think they were crazy, but now I understand.  And if a third cheesecake ever makes its way into my home, I can promise you that I will be writing my name all over that container so there is no question about whether I am willing to share or not. For the record, I'm not.

After (barely) surviving Dessert-ageddon 2012, we went about our normal routines on Monday and again convened at my apartment to spend the evening together.  As a natural born planner, I have spent the last 3.5 months using nearly every spare moment to plan and stress out over our upcoming wedding, which is a mere 25 days day away.  And as a natural born non-planner, Ryan has not been stressing out about the details, making lists, or color coding anything.  He has been a WONDERFUL helper and will complete (almost) any task that I assign to his column of "to do" items, but he does not dream them up himself, nor does he work himself into a frenzy when the tiniest detail doesn't go according to plan.

In a perfect example of our differing personalities, he came over expecting to relax together and I insisted that the moment he walk through the door he jump into planning with me and make the final decisions about everything from table linens to barbecue sauce for the pulled pork, and that we decide it right now!  Oh, the barbecue sauce...

Being a vegetarian and therefore never having anything to put barbecue sauce on, I failed to respect the importance of the sauce and in a gesture that I thought to be helpful, told my St. Louis area native sauce loving fiance that I had just ordered a gallon of "whatever the restaurant we ordered the pork from serves."  Turns out this was not the right answer.  I'll spare you the details, but what ensued was a 15 minute debate about what flavors/bases of sauce we needed to order, how much of each, buying in bulk gallons and bottling our own or shelling out more money to get individual bottles, where we would be displaying the bottles at the reception, how many ounces per gallon and per bottle (there were hand written math equations using fractions on scratch paper that I still don't understand this morning), and how much money we would or would not spend on barbecue sauce since we have already spent an ungodly amount of money for this one day of our lives. 

While it wasn't the most fun 15 minutes of our lives together, I am proud to say that we worked through it together. Nobody yelled, nobody cried, nobody blamed, and nobody lost.  We talked over the options, weighed the money against the perks (and agreed that in 20 years when we are still paying this wedding off, we will explain to our kids that we think they should pay their own way through college as part of them learning a good work ethic), and put the other one first by both ending the conversation saying, "I want what you want, whatever that is."  This was no easy feat for an only child and a youngest child who are both used to being the boss, but we did it, and we love each other just the same if not more than we did before the gallons-into-ounces-and-you-didn't-carry-the-one fiasco, and yes for those of you wondering, there will be barbecue sauce at the wedding reception.  Two different kinds and way too much of both.  No word on the cheesecake yet...

 

Cheeeeeeese!

As Ryan and I prepare to take our vows in 32 days, our days and nights are filled with all things wedding - picking out decorations, ordering bridal party gifts, making a timeline (a mere 9 pages long), and calling my hometown newspaper and DEMANDING a re-print after they printed my father-in-law's name under Ryan's picture in our engagement announcement:

Some of these wedding tasks have been more fun than others, but the absolute MOST fun 2 items came courtesy of our super talented and awesome in general friend, Elisabeth. Having a short (4 month) engagement (and NO, I'm not pregnant...we're just in love), we have had to cut some of the ordinary engagement activities, but we decided that we absolutely were not sacrificing pictures. This was so important to us in fact, that we booked TWO different days with Liz to make sure that we had enough shots of our mugs to decorate the whole house with!

For the first day, we headed to downtown Cedar Rapids dressed in jeans and some super sexy shoes to showcase just how urban we are. Here are some of my favorites:

Under the "City of Five Seasons" tree

Hugging my love

I love how intently we're gazing at each other. And the shoes. Of course the shoes!

Piggy back time!

Taking the plunge!

I know, I know, get a room...

And in the interest of full disclosure, here is the recap of my not-so-favorite albeit totally blog worthy moment. Just before the above super sexy black and white kiss photo, I noticed that there was a spider on the column that Elisabeth was asking me to lean against. My sweet protector of a fiance bravely knocked it down and as he spotted a second spider I didn't originally see, he said, "here, I'll get his wife, too." Smiling and basking in how wonderful he is to me, I didn't have thepresence of mind to realize that the second spider was spinning a very long piece of silk, which caught the breeze at the right moment, and sent the spider INSIDE OF MY SHIRT SLEEVE!

Me: "It's in my sleeve! It's IN MY SLEEVE!"

Ryan: "Calm down, I'm getting it."

Me: "Calm down?! CALM down?! CALM DOWN?! It's IN MY SLEEVE!"

As you can see, Liz didn't want to waste a single moment and caught it all on film. Unassured that Ryan would be able to save me (I could feel the spider crawling on my arm a half step ahead of Ryan's hands), I did what anyone in my position would...I LOST MY MARBLES. Screaming, creeped out and no longer caring who saw what, I peeled my shirt off right there in the middle of downtown Cedar Rapids and shook it violently until I saw the eight legs of grossness land on the ground:

Luckily, I had opted to wear a tank top under my shirt that day, but honestly, it wouldn't have mattered to me in that moment of terror. Again, thanks so much Liz, for capturing THIS for all of the world to see! In her defense, she did step on the spider as soon as it was thrown to the ground, and shortly there after, I stopped screaming.

As if that wasn't enough excitement for all of us, we signed up to do it all over again the next weekend. This time, in a park at sunset. Unbelievably, we think she may have gotten even better shots there:

Ryan singing a love song to me...or a break-up song...hard to tell.

We're kissing and so are our shadows, or as Liz exclaimed, "it's Pinterest in person!"

Holding hands in a field

Trying to be serious, but cracking up instead. In our defense, our photographer told us to "think about dead puppies!" Does this make us horrible people that we laughed instead of cried??

Smooches.

I wonder who that pretty girl is. I should go talk to her...

Heyyyyyy.

Let's pose together next to this really tall shrub.

How do you NOT get on the balance beam if it's right there?!

Doing what the sign says.

"Monkeying" around

This brings me to the high/low light of this shoot: changing in a port-o-potty. It was too light out to change in my car and not get a ticket for public nudity, so into the blue toilet house I went. Keys in my mouth and never putting anything down made for quite the interesting (and record breaking) wardrobe change, but the following shots were soooooo worth it:



Thanks again to Liz at Cloven Photography for making these shoots SO much fun, and for giving us beautiful pictures to help us remember this exciting time in our lives when we're 80.